Sunday, 3 April 2011

The sword of truth.

By Honestbroker.

It's a little-known fact that no one saw Madeleine Beth McCann on May 3rd 2007. That's not from 22.00pm or after, but rather at all on that day. Really, it's true. I mean, there are those who claim they saw her. But righteous seekers after, and purveyors of, truth and justice for Madeleine Beth McCann who ride around forum land atop mighty steeds, slaying the unrighteous, rooting out corruption and falsehood and putting the record straight, wield the weapon of truth – the crèche record. The crèche record never lies. Or at least, I'm unsure whether it never lies or whether it purports to tell a truth that is actually a lie – that Madeleine was in the crèche on May 3rd. Either way, the crèche record is unimpeachable and unimpeached (except, possibly, in the sense that it might have been impeached to tell an untruth the unimpeachable know is impeached). In the face of this weapon of purity that shines light into dark corners, exposing the duplicity and double-dealing of the darkest hearts, mere words of pathetic humans are blown aside like paper cups in a tornado.

So who are these pathetic humans? Well, there's David Payne, who insists he saw Madeleine at around 1700. Now, of course, David Payne is one of those dubious Tapas-types, you know, who along with six others of the same ilk (his wife, Fiona, Jane Tanner, Russell O'Brien, that lot …) sold their souls to the Devil, perjured themselves and risked their reputations, careers and possibly freedoms to criminally cover up for the misdeeds of the nefarious couple, Kate and Gerry McCann. So we can forget him.

Who else? There's Emma Wilding. She claims to have said 'hello' to Gerry as he dropped Madeleine off at the crèche on the morning of May 3rd. But then, she is just a pimply-faced youth who works at the crèche, so she doesn't count. There is also Catriona Baker. She was actually Madeleine's personal nanny. She claims to have gone down to the beach with Madeleine on that fateful day.

Now Catriona Baker, particularly, incurs the wrath of the righteous and pure atop their mighty steeds. You see, she actually struck up a friendship with the Devils incarnate themselves, Kate and Gerry. In days of yore, when the righteous and pure were lads and lasses, people in Britain would be committed to the Tower on charges of High Treason for less; or, in Portugal, would be acquainted with refined instruments of memory-prompt, persuasion and correction, such as the rack or the thumb-screw. My, how times have changed and standards have dropped. There is a slight snag, here, of course, but nothing, I'm sure, the righteous and pure can't deal with. When Cartiona Baker gave her rogatory interview, her friendship with the McCanns was already well formed. But what she says doesn't differ markedly from what she told the Portuguese police on 10th May, just a week after Madeleine's abduction, and well before any friendship with the McCanns had developed. Still, I hear a rumour that friend to all on the side of righteousness and truth, Duarte Levy, has explosive and, as yet, unrevealed film of Gerry, the day before Ms Baker gave her statement to Portuguese police, marching determinedly towards the abode of Ms Baker, pushing a wheelbarrow, filled to overflowing with euro-notes, which he used to buy the silence of Ms Baker on what she didn't see or do, and more particularly, the lies of what she did see. I gather that in an act of unprecedented philanthropy, Levy will offer this explosive video by auction to the highest bidder, with bids starting at 50,000 euros --
strictly cash before delivery.

Then there is nanny Charlotte Penington, who perfidiously insists that she read stories to Madeleine on May 3rd. Who else inhabits the hall of infamy? Well, there's Elisa dias Romao, Maria MA Jose and Cecillia dias Firmino. All say they saw Madeleine on May 3rd. All are either plain wrong or lying, although opinion is divided among the righteous about whether some of these pathetic humans might, actually, have been duped. Did the nefarious McCanns introduce a 'Madeleine substitute' on May 3? Could Charlotte Pennington, who didn't make personal friends with the McCanns, somehow, have actually failed to notice that the child to whom she read stories on May 3rd was actually a Madeleine substitute? Let's face it, rustling up a 'Madeleine look-alike' at short notice, who not only looked like her, but was also trained to speak, react and behave like her, would actually have been a doddle.

Now, of course, the true motivation for the writing of that book becomes clear. With so many people in on the truth whose silence has to be bought, money to appease the blackmailers has to be raised somehow. After all, it can only be money that's kept them quiet so far and the cash to continue to keep them quiet must be found …

They've got it all sussed, the righteous atop their steeds.